


Over Thinking

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-30
Updated: 2009-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-19 21:44:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12418776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Various short drabbles of Lily and James. Based loosely on the 100 prompt challenge, but mostly whimsical tales of my fav pair





	1. Winter

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

He was cold.

She could tell he was cold, because he was shivering. His lips were also appearing to be turning a rather dashing shade of blue. Lily actually found it quite pretty – she made a mental note of the colour so she could go find some eyeshadow in that shade.

“ Stop staring at me Lily”

Lily started and felt a flush spreading over her cheeks. Curse her fair skin! “I’m not staring!” she denied, pointedly staring at a tree to the left of her.

“It’s ok you know, I understand. I am exceedingly good looking.” He was grinning widely.

“You’re exceedingly big headed James, and I don’t find that attractive in the slightest.” She couldn’t keep the amusement from her voice. She had decided some time last month that she rather enjoyed being civil with James Potter and that perhaps being his friend wouldn’t be that bad. It wasn’t because she had started to fancy him – even though Marlene insisted on waggling her eyebrows at her and writing out lists about Why Lily Marie Evans Was Undeniably In Love With James Potter, or 26 Reasons Why You Two Should Date.

“Denial is a horrid state to live in Lily my love.” James began jumping up and down, rubbing his arms, “ the sooner you admit you want to shag me, the sooner we can get started.”

”James my dear, you’re so cold right now I’m afraid that you’re…Little James…wouldn’t even be visible to the naked eye.” She smiled at him sweetly.

James burst into laughter. “Ouch!” He held a hand over his heart, “I’m bleeding. Bleeding from your vicious words, they cut me deep into my soul.”

“Oh shut up you giant prat.” Lily muttered, rolling her eyes. “Why didn’t you bring your robes with you?”

“Forgot.” He shrugged and shuffled closer towards her, “I was busy with the boys in the kitchens…it’s warm in there.”

“Poor thing,” Lily said sarcastically. “That’s what you get for wasting your time when you could’ve been doing some study for the NEWTS.”

James raised an eyebrow. “ And what were you doing before this, Oh Miss Perfect Evans?”

Lily flushed again – curses! – and tried to avoid James’ eyes. “Oh you know…doing very important things pertaining to studying and NEWTS and other…important…stuff…”

“You were picking on the first years again, weren’t you?” amusement was dripping from his voice.

“ I do not pick on the First years! “ Lily’s voice raised a pitch and her hands flew to her hips.

James shuffled a bit closer. “Lily, dearest, you warn them about where the "safe" stairs are  and then watch them as they get stuck in the trick stairs and laugh. I’m pretty sure that’s considered picking on First Years.”

Lily’s blush deepened. “ That’s different…and don’t change the subject.” She ignored James’ laughter and folded her arms. “You’re going to get sick if you stay out here any longer without your robes. You should go back and get them.”

James shuffled even closer, bumping shoulders with the small red head. “ I don’t want to,” he whined, “ it’s too far of a walk.”

“We’re standing 3 metres from the Entrance Hall.”

“I’m enjoying the view?”

“You can’t see anything but the lake – nothing you haven’t seen before.”

“I’m comfortable!”

“You’re shivering so violently your teeth are chattering and your lips are blue. Oh, I mustn’t forget to get that eyeshadow…”

“What?”

“Never mind,” Lily blushed again – Merlin, does it ever stop? – “ go get your robes! You haven’t got one decent excuse not to.”

James was silent for a few moments and he glanced at her shyly. She did look very cute, her hair flying every where in the wind, half her face hidden by her scarf. “ I don’t want to get my coat.” James said firmly.

“Why?” Lily demanded, exasperated.

“Because, I’m with you.” He grinned at her nervously, “ and I’m having fun.”

Lily laughed, and shook her head. “So cliché James.” But he noticed the faint blush on her cheeks. “You’d rather freeze then ruin this moment? Of mutual teasing and banter?”

James nodded, “That’s right Lily my dear. Wouldn’t ruin it for anything.”

“Your lame James Potter.” Lily pushed him gently with her body, “but that’s ok.”

**A/N:** _it didn’t quite go where I wanted it…and it got to the stage where I wasn’t quite sure how to end it, so this is now a snapshot of Lily and James’ friendship, before they started going out. Lighthearted and full of teasing )_

 A/N 2: _Hi all! These have been pulled over from my Fan Fic page...and as such, some of these first stories were written back in 2007/2008. Hopefully the writing gets better, but I just love some of these stories so much I couldn't part with them!_  



	2. Fight

They’d had a fight. Again. Of course. She told herself she shouldn’t really be surprised, that they had always fought and just because they were friends now (good friends too) and Head Boy and Head Girl together ( and doing a good job of that too, she might add) didn’t mean that the tension between them would just evaporate. She had hoped. She was allowed to hope, wasn’t she, that maybe they would get along better this year and she could convince herself that it would be ok for her to fancy him. Because she did. Of course. How could she not, Marlene would say if Lily admitted it (just because Lily hadn’t admitted to fancying James yet didn’t mean that Marlene didn’t already know, but Lily liked her pride and decided to keep it for awhile longer), when James was so sweet, so caring, so funny, so talented, so smart…

And Lily would reply – so arrogant, so controlling, so self absorbed, he lacked all forms of modesty, he didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut, he seemed to take a perverse pleasure in finding her when she was in a horrible mood and annoying the hell out of her just to rile her up –

She found it rather disheartening that she could rattle off a list of his flaws without even thinking twice, but if you asked her to list why she actually liked spending time with him, she would pause, bite her lip and be unable to answer you straight away. It didn’t matter though. She still liked him. Quite a lot. In some twisted sense, the fact that he managed to get under skin so much made her smug – it had occurred to her that maybe _this_ was why James had spent so much effort on annoying her during 5th year, but she didn’t like to dwell on that time period.

So they had fought again and now she was sitting in an empty corridor somewhere that she fervently hoped would stay empty for awhile longer, staring moodily at the wall and chewing on her lip.

It had been a silly fight – it always was. She couldn’t even remember how it started – for Merlins sake she couldn’t’ even remember what it was about, but she was furious. Anger and irritation still swirled in her tummy, but the dull sense of frustration and confusion had set in over the top. Why, why, _why_ couldn’t he just prove to her that they would be a healthy couple? Why did they always have to fight? She wanted him so badly she would lay in bed at night just dreaming about the different ways he could ask her out, and she eventually had to stop doing that because when situations similar to her daydreams arose and they didn’t play out according to her plans, she would be furious at James and they would, inevitably, fight. Fighting, Lily thought with a snort, she was so sick of it, the next time she even heard the word she would hex the person who said it.

\--

She ended up back in the Common Room, sulking in front of the fire, her unfinished Potions essay in front of her. Her friends had come and gone, talked to her, recognized her mood and left her alone. So she had sulked, jumping from angry to glad they had left her alone, to miserable, to irritated and then straight back to being angry. She hadn’t seen James all night – probably out gallivanting around the grounds with his imbecile friends, Lily thought darkly, pretending for a moment that she didn't like Peter, Remus and Sirius. As if thinking about him had forced him to pop into existence, the portrait hole swung open and James Potter himself clambered into view, knocking his head in the process. Lily forced her smile to turn into a frown and pointedly stared down at her blank parchment.

She heard him walking towards her, heard the sigh and could almost imagine him ruffling his hair in agitation. “You skipped the Head’s meeting with Dumbledore,” he told her matter of factly, “ but don’t worry, I covered for you. Told him you were really sick and needed to stay in bed. “He paused and added, “Though I don’t really think he believed me.”

Lily gave a sharp nod in response, refusing to look at him. She was angry, (or so she reminded herself) and if they couldn’t stop fighting all the time, well then they obviously couldn’t be friends.

James stood by her chair, silent. The urge to sneak a quick look at him to see why he was still there was growing to the point that Lily was about to cave when he sighed again and dropped something onto her lap. He stalked off, muttering to himself about crazy girls and their crazy thought patterns. Lily’s gazed at the small folded piece of parchment which had thrown onto her lap and debated whether or not to open it. Curiosity got the best of her after a ridiculously short amount of time (she must work on her will power) and she unfolded it gently.

_You do know the only reason we fight constantly is because we care about each other so much right? Because we’re so close we know what to say to piss the each other off? Because we’re so comfortable with each other we can say exactly what we’re thinking without fear for being judged?_

_Stop being silly Lily, we’re perfect for each other._

_Love, James_

**A/N:** aww abrupt ending, again, but I want to end it on the letter so that’s how it ends unless someone else has a better idea (you should have all picked up on the fact that endings are my weakness by now). BTW, turns out prompt 16 is fight, not moonlight and moonlight is actually from another table all together O.o. So it’s now my 2nd writers choice and I’ll fix that little mistake up soon! Tell me what you guys think and enjoy!


	3. Veneer

James swallowed and tried to slick down his hair one last time. A quick glance at his reflection in the window told him that his attempts were useless – his thick black hair was still sticking up all over the place. Groaning, James took a deep breath and straightened his glasses. It was now or never.

She was sitting by the fireplace, a book resting in her lap. She looked adorable as she nibbled on the end of her quill, forehead furrowed in concentration as she carefully turned the page. Her friends were mysteriously absent – not that Lily Evans was the type of girl to be surrounded by her friends at all times, but at this time of the night, they were usually doing their homework together, whispering and giggling softly.

James didn’t stop to wonder where they were or question this rare opportunity that had been given to him. He was a boy who wasn’t afraid to step up to a challenge, a boy who didn’t pass up chances and he was a boy who was sweating because he was about to ask a pretty girl to Hogsmeade.

He could hear Sirius and Peter sniggering behind him, and Remus trying to shush them, to give him some support, like good friends should, but he ignored them – he was a boy on a mission.

He marched determinedly over to the fireplace, his carefully constructed speech running through his head and when he finally reached the small girl, he felt like he was ready. She looked up when James’s shadow fell over her, her eyes wide.

“Lily Evans,” His voice cracked.

Lily giggled.

James blushed.

He cleared his throat and tried again, “Lily Evans –“ the words died in his throat. What was he supposed to say again? He’d had it all planned out, how he’d tell her that she was beautiful and that James was the only man who would be able to take care of her way she deserved and she’d sigh and fall into his arms and they’d snog like they did in that magazine Sirius had shown him. It would be brilliant. But his traitorous mouth instead spewed out “I uh – well you – I mean to say that – you and me – I thought that – since you’re so pretty – and I am – well I think you’re really nice and – your hair is like blood –“ at this Lily’s eyebrows rose and she stifled another giggle, “and I just – wantedtoknowifyoudgotohogsmeadewithmethisweekend.” James finished and blushed a bright red.

Lily was also blushing – well at least he hoped it was a blush and not an angry flush – and she stared down at her book, her small form shaking. “Potter...I’m sorry, but well…no. ”

James’s mouth dropped open. She said _what_? That was NOT how it was supposed to go. She was supposed to fall into his arms and snog him senseless! “But...why?” James blurted out, shocked.

Lily closed her book with a decisive snap. “Well,” she said, “You’re rather rude, you disrupt classes, you’re always mucking about with your friends, you don’t finish your homework, you can’t take anything seriously, you’re always pranking people and to be honest, some of those aren’t very funny, you bully my best friend but most of all; I just don’t like you.”

James felt his whole world come crashing around him. She didn’t like him? She didn’t _like_ him? What kind of – who on earth – why wouldn’t she – what complete and utter bollocks!

“Well I was only joking anyway,” James sniffed, “I wouldn’t really want to ask out a swot like you.”

Lily’s eyebrows shot up in outrage and James, smirking, stormed off.

He told his friends that he didn’t care; he laughed and agreed when Sirius said that she wasn’t worth it anyway and when Remus patted his back comfortingly, James shrugged him off and told him that he wasn’t serious about her anyway. Lily Evans was just a swotty boring know it all who had no friends because she spent all her time in the library or with Snape. He wouldn’t _really_ waste his time on her.

When Hogsmeade weekend came around, James was as excited as ever. No matter that the stuffy _Perfect Prefect_ Evans wasn’t going to come with him – it’s not like he wanted to hold her hand or anything anyway. When he saw Lily happily making her down the stairs laughing with Mary and wrapping her scarf around her neck, however, his heart sank. She had rejected him. In front of everyone. _She didn’t like him_.

He spent the next 30 minutes huddled under his bed, covered by the invisibility cloak, ignoring the boys as they stomped round the dormitory, calling his name.

“James you giant girl, if you don’t stop being a berk we’ll miss out on all the good stuff at Zonkos!” Sirius yelled. He waited for a few more moments before snorting. “Fine! Don’t come to Hogsmeade, I don’t care.”

The door slammed shut.

“I don’t know what he’s playing at,” James heard Sirius mutter, his voice gradually fading as they made their way down the stairs.

“Leave him alone Padfoot,” Peter said, “Lily broke his heart –“

“Did not!” Sirius scoffed, “he never really liked her anyway..”

He didn’t come out from under the bed for hours, his mind endlessly repeating _but most of all; I just don’t like you_ and his heart sore and heavy in his chest.


	4. Naked

It was something about the way she sat in front of the fire. He couldn’t tell you why – maybe it was the way her back was hunched over, or how her arms were wrapped tightly around her knees, her red hair hiding her face – but he knew that she was miserable. Of course, it could have also been that her slight form was shaking with the sobs she was trying to keep muffled, or the fact that he could see the tears falling down her cheeks that tipped him off, but James liked to think it was because he loved her, and he just knew these things.

He had been watching her carefully all night from across the Common Room, watched as one by one her friends had gone up to her, sat next to her and tried to comfort her. Lily had ignored them all, withdrawing more into her self.

As Marlene had walked past him, on the way to the Girls Dormitory, James caught her attention by grabbing onto the hem of her skirt. Marlene turned to face him, frowning down at the boy. “What?” she demanded, pulling her skirt out of his grasp.

James hesitated, looking over at Lily, who was now staring blankly at the fire, cheeks wet with tears. “Is she – what’s wrong with her?” he asked quietly, running his fingers through his hair nervously.

Marlene sighed and shrugged. “We’re not sure. She won’t tell us anything, but she got an owl this morning and –“ she paused, and closed her eyes tiredly, “ well, her mum has been really sick, with cancer –“

“Cancer?” James repeated, “is that like Dragon Pox?”

Marlene gave him an odd look. “No,” she explained, “it’s a Muggle disease that attacks your body. Lily’s mum had a type of cancer that affected her bones, and it was basically eating away at her entire body. There isn’t a cure for it, so she’s been dying for a long time…” Marlene trailed off and sighed again, folding her arms.

James nodded in understanding. “So you think the owl was from her family?”

“She won’t answer any of our questions,” the frustration was clear in Marlene’s voice, “ and she just walked off after breakfast and skipped all her classes. I don’t know what’s wrong with her,” she said quietly, “and I know Lily, she won’t say anything till she’s ready, and Merlin knows when that will be…” she sighed again, and threw her hands up into her hair. “I’ve got to go to bed, I’m really tired and she –“ Marlene blushed, “ I feel like the worst friend, but I can’t stay up with her all night if she won’t even look at me. “

James shook his head, still watching Lily. “Don’t worry about it,” he said softly.

Marlene stood beside him for a few moments, saying nothing, before she shrugged and started up the stairs.

James hardly noticed her leave, as he chose to concentrate on the small girl across from him. She was still staring at the fire, her face crumpled in sadness. James bit his lip. They had been getting along much better these past few years, forming what James was delighted to hear Lily describe “a really fun friendship”, but he had attempted to avoid any deep connections with her because he knew that the instant they started confiding in each other, he would blurt out that he was still madly in love with her and wanted to – well lets just say it involved the broom closet and a few hours of privacy. He really did want to go over there and comfort her, but he wasn’t sure if she would even let him come near – if she hadn’t opened up to Marlene or Mary, what made him think she would even give him a second chance?

James chewed his lip, going through various scenarios in his head, trying to decide what to do. “Ah screw it,” He muttered and got to his feet, making his way carefully over to Lily. He sat next to her, mindful that he didn’t touch her physically.

“Hey Lils” he whispered, “what’s wrong?”

She choked back a sob and shook her head fiercely, keeping her eyes focused on the fireplace.

James inched a bit closer, his leg brushed against hers gently. “Is it your mum? Marlene told me that she had cancer – I still don’t really understand what that means,” James said, watching her closely, “but she said it ate away at her body.”

Lily’s face contorted, with anger, fear or misery, James couldn’t tell, but it was an improvement on the blank expression she’d been wearing all night.

James took a deep breath and continued, “I don’t know if that’s what the owl was about, but if it’s about your mum, I’m really sorry.” James hesitated, “ I – I want to stay and be with you Lily, you know, make you feel better,” James could feel a blush forming on his cheeks, “ well as much as you can feel better on a day like this but if you’d rather me go, I’ll go. I just, well I don’t like seeing you so upset yeah? So just – just let me know.”

He sat there and waited for her to respond for what seemed like ages, but apart from that one expression change she didn’t even acknowledge that he had spoken. James felt his heart sink. He sighed and stood up, about to make his way up to bed, when Lily made a strangled sound and clutched onto his arm. James gazed down at her, shocked, and she looked up at him, her pale face red and blotchy and her eyes desperate.

“Stay,” she croaked, and then cleared her throat, “please,” she whispered, ‘ just stay –“ she trailed off and swallowed.

James sat back down immediately and clasped onto her hand tightly. “Ok.” He smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

Tears welled in her eyes and she bit her lip. “My mum,” she started, “she was so beautiful. And she was so proud when I went to Hogwarts and even though I know she wanted me to stay home with her and Petunia and daddy, she never complained.” Lily took a shuddering breath and squeezed James’ hand. “And now I’ve spent so much time away from her at school, “ her voice began to waver, “and I miss her so much and I’ll never be able to see her again because of this stupid illness and –“ she burst into tears, “ and I’m a witch and I should’ve been able to help her, but I was here all the time, worried about my marks and my stupid Head Girl badge –“

James grabbed her and pulled her towards him, crushing her into his chest and wrapping his arms around her tightly. Lily cried and cried, gasping and shaking as she buried her face into his shirt, her fingers wrapped digging into his chest. James held her and rocked her gently, murmuring nonsense words in her hair.

She went quiet after a while, but James refused to let go of her and kept his arms wrapped around her possessively. Lily sighed, and shuddered, lifting her head and looking up at him, her green eyes huge in her face. “James,” she said, “thanks.”

James smiled at her and kissed the top of her head. “You’re very welcome,” he told her and squeezed her gently.

_**A/N** : This is dedicated to my beautiful friend, Jessica, who lost her cousin to cancer last year. I don't think I could ever even begin to imagine what it was like for her and her family, to lose someone so young and vibrant to a disease that slowly took him away from them, but this story is in memory of a young man I never had the honour of meeting._


	5. Spaces

She had read in a book like that life was like a game of chess and had thought it awfully cliché. That was, of course, before she saw a game of Wizard chess and realised that, in fact, life could be a little like chess – if you weren’t quick enough, if you weren’t smart enough, if you didn’t plan far ahead enough you were going to get clobbered by another playing piece and dragged off the board.

Or in her case, if you weren’t quick enough, if you weren’t smart enough, if you didn’t plan far ahead enough, the boy who you had finally decided to admit that you fancied was going to lose interest in you and it would simply feel like you had been clobbered to death and dragged off a board.

She lost her chance – she supposed it was only fair, in some twisted way, since she’d had the opportunity to throw herself at him for almost 3 years now. It was horribly ironic that the very day she had gathered enough courage to make a flirtatious pass at him (and she knew that, with him, that small gesture would be enough. He would know what she was really trying to say)he would announce that he had taken a sudden fancy to Laura Fitzpatrick.

The space between them had never been so large.


	6. Breakable

_A/N: Just a quick one before you start. This isn’t a future telling story – Lily hasn’t seen the future here. This is a fic about Lily in her most vulnerable moments. Longer explanation afterwards._

The hardest part is knowing that she’s going to die.

Oh she pretends, like they all do, that there’s hope, that this new plan of Dumbledore might actually succeed. She plays along with the rest of them, laughing, talking about what they’ll do after the war is over, how nice it will be to visit Diagon Alley again without seeing shadows in every corner. But she knows.

The nights James aren’t at home she spends curled up in the large bed with Harry clutched to her chest as he sleeps, sobbing. She can’t let James see her like this, he needs her to be strong. She is the optimistic one, she is the bright eyes, the smiles, the gentle words. She is the flashing temper that explodes when someone suggests they might not make it.

James pretends as well. James pretends that he is the strong one, that he is still believing for victory, that they can beat him. She sees the brittle smile, the hurt and fear behind his determination, the hollowness of his laughter. She sees the way he watches Harry as he starts to crawl, as he says his first word, as he gurgles and laughs. She knows that wistful smile, that bittersweet love, the ache of loss. She feels it too. If James knew that she too was slowly crumbling, he would break.

It gets harder when they’re forced into isolation. There aren’t any more missions or fights to help prolong the false sense of purpose. There aren’t any more communications from the outside world, except a rare visit from Dumbledore. They have placed all their hopes, their loves, their future, into the hands of a small boy with a nervous laugh, the same boy who used to hide under his covers whenever there was a thunderstorm.

She feels sick.

James insists it was the right thing to do. It will burst out of his mouth while they’re washing up. “It was the right thing to do Lil,” he say, swallowing and not meeting her gaze. He’ll mutter it after they make love, when they’re giving Harry a bath, when Harry started to take his first tentative steps. She doesn’t believe him.

By now they’re all pretending.

She sits cross legged on their bed, Harry and James playing downstairs with the toy broomstick. She hears a strangled yowl, a loud crash and giggling and knows she should go down there shortly. Instead, she is flicking through the empty pages of the photo album Alice and Frank got her and James when Harry was born. The first few pages are full of photos (Harry’s first bath), locks of hair (Harry’s first hair cut), filled in answers (Harry’s first word – mama). She turns to the page set aside for “Harry’s First Day Of School” and feels the tears well up. This page will always stay empty. She knows.

It’s Halloween and she is sprinting up the stairs, Harry screaming for his Dada over her shoulder. She hears the laugh, the crashes, the shout of pure rage and anguish from James. She knows he’s left his wand on the couch. that there’s no hope for her or Harry, but she pretends it will ok.

She’s gotten so good at pretending through out this war.

_A/N 2: I was having a discussion with a friend (my unofficial Beta) about this fic and she raised some good points._

_1\. I believe that Lily is a fighter. I don’t think that she accepted death per say – I think that when it came time to fight, she fought and she fought gladly. But I also believe that there were moments where she wasn’t able to be strong and unbreakable any more and that’s what this fic was about._

_2\. If you’ve ever been in a situation where you desperately want to believe that everything is going to work out ok and you put on a brave face, you still fight to the very end, even though deep down inside you KNOW that it’s not going to be ok…this is what this fic is about_

_3\. About the Secret Keeper thing – I don’t think Lily wanted Peter to be their Secret Keeper, but I think that James insisted. Remus and Sirius were always going on about James considered it the height of dishonour to mistrust a friend and I think James would be blinded by that and agree to Sirius’s “great plan”._


	7. Hold

**Prompt 007: Hold**

The first time they held hands, they were walking to Charms.

His hand captures hers, big, warm and calloused. Butterflies erupt in her stomach and a warm glow slowly spreads from her middle to the tips of her toes. She smiles at him, shy and pleased. He grins down at her, delighted and slightly disbelieving.

She can’t remember which class she’s going to. She doesn’t remember which corridors they walked down or who they spoke to on the way. She doesn’t know how she got to be standing in front of the classroom door, her small hand still clasped in his. All she knows is that his hand is slightly sweaty, much, much larger than hers and that she’d be happy to hold it forever.

_A/N: I just had an urge to write a sweet little drabble about Lily and James. I’m quite proud of this, so let me know what you guys think!_


	8. Lost

"Please Lily," he begs her, holding onto her limp hand, "just come with me. It won't be as bad as you think, promise. Just one date. One date."

She sighs, exasperated, embarrassed for him, horribly guilty that she'll crush his heart again. "James, _no._ ". She watches as the smile drops from his face, his eyes dim. "I don't understand you!" she cries, wrenching her hand out of grasp, "You keep on asking me out, no matter how many times I say no...sometimes I'm so mean to you..." they both know that she's thinking about 5th year. "I just, I sit there and I struggle to come up with any decent reason why you would do this to yourself."

She isn't expecting an answer. She isn't expecting the sudden look of determination in his face, the bashful smile. She's startled when he runs his fingers through his hair (it's de ja vu almost, watching his hand ruffle the thick black mess of hair, but it's different this time, it's James not Potter) and laughs, shrugging. "If I stop asking, you won't ever have the chance to say yes." He gives her a lopsided smile and her heart flops over. "For when you change your mind."

Any quick retort she might have said fades from her lips when their eyes meet. The honesty, the tenderness, the hot possesiveness, the understanding takes her breath away and she suddenly feels very small and very very stupid for all the things she's done to him. 

"What if I don't change my mind?" she asks quietly, not meeting his steady gaze, eyes focused somewhere slightly to the left of her feet. 

He grabs hold her hands again, holds them tightly and she looks at him, close to tears. "You will." he assures her, so very serious, "and I'll wait for as long as I need to." he hesitates and then gently brushes her hair behind her ear. "You're worth it."  

"James," she whispers, unable to meet his eyes, unable to look away, "No one is worth that." she pulls her hands out of his grasp again and starts to back down the corridor. "Especially not me." 

She turns away from him, confused, trying so desperately to understand why he cares for her so much. It scares her, terrfies her, that someone could feel so intensely for her. She was only 16. He was only 16. How could she possibly give herself up into that uncertainity, let herself go willingly into such a absurd situation, when the risks were so, so high. She knew, deep down, that if she said yes, if she let James sweep her away, she would lose herself to him, give herself to him completely. He would demand nothing less than all of her and she would willingly hand it over and she would be shattered if he hurt her. She would not let that happen. 

"Lily." She pauses, looks over her shoulder, knows it's stupid, knows it's a mistake when his fierce gaze catches her, holds her. He looks so young, so impossibly young standing there, his hazel eyes bright behind his glasses, fists clenched at his sides. "You're worth it." he repeats. 

She's already lost.  

 

_A/N: I'm not...I'm not sure about this one. It's midnight here and I've had a long day at work and have been out with friends, but the idea came to me in the shower and I just had to get it out...it wouldn't let me go! I might come back and fix it later, when I'm more awake, but let me know what you guys think of it..._   



	9. Noise

Lily laughs as James pulls out a guitar. “You play guitar?”   
  
James blushes and shuffles his feet, embarrassed and unusually shy. “Well, sort of, my Mum plays and she showed me a little – what?” he demanded, noticing Lily’s amused expression.   
  
“Nothing, nothing,” she snorts and is unable to hold back a giggle. “It’s just funny thinking of a Pureblood witch playing guitar.”   
  
James shrugs and absently strums a chord, resting the guitar on his knee. “She picked it up in the 60’s when she was pregnant with me. She noticed Muggles were playing it all the time and was curious…” he smiles at her, bashful and completely adorable. “Can I play you something?”  
  
They’re sitting in the Common Room, surrounded by other Gryffindors, none of which are paying her and James any attention. In their semi-secluded corner, Lily cross legged on the floor and James on his armchair, they could be by themselves. They’re not, as Lily is painfully to be reminded.   
  
A slow smile spreads across Lily’s face. “Yes please!” she is delighted and pleased and touched that he would want to sing her a song. It’s sappy and clichéd and so utterly romantic that Lily is melting on the inside.   
  
James grins back at her and resettles himself, placing the guitar just so. He clears his throat and starts. It’s a simple song and Lily is enchanted and charmed by the sure movements, the way his eyes are focused on his left hand as he changes chords, smiling when he flicks them to her every now and then, winking at her.   
But then he starts to sing. And that is when Lily is painfully reminded that they are in fact, not alone in the Common Room and that there is a crowd of Gryffindors who are hearing James make that awful, awful noise.   
  
Her mouth falls open and she struggles not to clap her hands over her ears. She hears someone say “What the bloody hell is _that_?” before they realize it’s James Potter; Quidditch Captain, Head Boy and Awful Singer and a hush falls over the room.   
  
James is happily warbling on, either not noticing or not caring that he is horribly out of key, out of time and his voice cracks whenever he tries to hit a high note. Lily is unable to take her eyes off the boy in front of her, horrified that a person with such a lovely speaking voice – so smooth and deep – could so bad when singing.   
  
As she watches – and tries her hardest not to listen – Lily thinks that this most definitely the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for her. She ignores the groans and the rapid emptying of the Common Room as the other students escape and instead lets the soothing sound of his guitar was over her and hopes that the grating of his vocals isn’t going to permanently damage her ears.   
  
Nothing in their relationship is conventional, and she isn’t surprised when it’s as her boyfriend is totally mangling one of her favourite songs with his ridiculously bad voice (and completely oblivious to this fact) that Lily realizes she loves him. Bad voice and all. 


End file.
